I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It's blow job season.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
