I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
