No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
