You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
