Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize