I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
