You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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