would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
