why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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