i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
