last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
