I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
