OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
