I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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