so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
