you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
