They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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