Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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