So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
