pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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