if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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