Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
