Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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