He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
