The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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