I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
