I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Too much gin, very little bucket
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Randomize
