3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
