Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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