I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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