Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
