I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
