I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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