We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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