I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
time to smoke my breakfast
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
