She's JV to your varsity
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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