chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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