i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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