There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
