she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
