whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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