I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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