did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
