There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
