i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
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