The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
