i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
