dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its liver damage thursday
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
