Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
