Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
