we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
