Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
