I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
