my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
