Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
