I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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