I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
