just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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