He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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