I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize