I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
