you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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