Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
