We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
