My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
