I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
