I want to make a zoo with you.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
