Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
