god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
