i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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