I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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