Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
