Screwed.edu
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
where are you?
Hypothermia
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
