He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
