I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
