is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
