I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
