Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
