Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
