I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
