Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
