it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
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