You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I smell like Dick and happiness
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
