just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
