dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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