His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Boobs speak an international language.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
