I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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