I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
