It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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