I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
