His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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