I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
time to smoke my breakfast
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize