I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
