did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
