New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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