just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
