That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
