Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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