You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
