Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The power of my boobs compel you
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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